The general consensus is that Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback in NFL history. Everybody knows about his stats and accomplishments. That’s fine. There are many other outstanding players, and one of the great joys of sports is the never-ending debate over everything. So let’s put that aside and talk about something undeniable – Tom Brady is the LUCKIEST quarterback in NFL history. Sure, you have to put yourself in a position to have good things happen to you, but the level of unbelievable things that his opponents have done against him is ridiculous. We are not even going to consider the facts that the entire NFL passed on drafting him at least 5 times, and that Drew Bledsoe “Much He Had To Go To The Hospital” let the New York Jets crush him rather than running out of bounds, giving TB12 his chance. Here are our Five Fave: Reasons Tom Brady is the Luckiest Quarterback Who Ever Lived.
#5 – Raiders v. Patriots 2002 Playoffs – The Fumble AKA The Tuck Rule
In the 4th quarter of the 2001 season AFC Divisional Playoff game between Jon Gruden’s Oakland Raiders and Bill Belichick’s New England Patriots, Raiders corner back Charles Woodson sacked Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, causing him to fumble which was recovered by Raiders linebacker Greg Biekert. The play would have iced the game for Oakland, who may have gone on to the Super Bowl. Jon Gruden may have never been traded to Tampa Bay and the Buccaneers may not have won the next Super Bowl. The refs reviewed the play and somehow decided that they could read Tom’s mind and determine that he was actually just trying to tuck the ball, which somehow meant he was still throwing the ball. It was a fumble, and his 1st Super Bowl win is illegitimate.
#4 – God Hates Carolina Panthers Kicker Jon Kasay
Super Bowl XXXVIII, which followed the 2003 season, featured the return of the New England Patriots and the arrival of the 1995 expansion team Carolina Panthers, who had gone from 1-15 in 2001 to a thrilling Super Bowl run in 2003. The game was scoreless for almost 27 minutes before an explosion of points leading to a 14-10 Patriot half-time lead. By the way, this was THAT half-time. The one where Justin Timberlake ripped Janet Jackson’s top off, exposing her breast (whose nipple was covered by a pasty). Nobody else scored in the 3rd quarter, but then one of the most exciting 4th quarters happened, with 5 TD’s and 4 lead changes ending up with a 29-29 tie with 1 minute left and Overtime likely. It was at this point that God apparently had decided on his punishment for the half-time partial nudity, and that fell on Panthers kicker Jon Kasay, who had once explained his missing a game-winning field goal vs. the Buccaneers by stating that “God must not have wanted me to make that kick”. Kasay booted the kick-off straight out of bounds, giving Brady the ball on his own 40 yard line, and granting the time and field position to allow the real hero of New England, Adam Vinatieri, to kick the Super Bowl winning field goal with 4 seconds left.
#3 – Atlanta Falcons Dan Quinn and Kyle Shanahan Slowly Choke
21-3 at half-time. 28-3 half-way through the 3rd quarter. 28-12 half-way through the 4th quarter. 28-20, ball on the 22, under 4 minutes left, a field goal almost certainly ices the game. Head coach Dan Quinn (more on him next) allows Offensive Coordinator Kyle Shanahan to call a passing play, resulting in a sack, leading them out of field goal range, and giving Mr. Brady the opportunity to complete the largest comeback in Super Bowl history, eventually winning in overtime. Quinn absolutely, positively should have known better, as he was a first hand witness to our next lucky break. RUN. THE. BALL.
#2 – Seattle Seahawks Pete Carroll Turns Off Beast Mode
The Super Bowl after the 2014 season was one of the most exciting games ever played. The New England Patriots and Seattle Seahawks went back and forth, and the Seahawks were on the brink of clinching back-to-back titles, and denying the Pats who had not actually won a Super Bowl in 10 years, despite having the “Greatest Of All Time” at quarterback. Hmmm. Anyway, all the Seahawks had to do was activate “Beast Mode”, which was to give bruising running back Marshawn Lynch the ball from the 1 yard line with 26 seconds left (and a time-out just in case he was somehow stopped short) and BOOM (as in Legion of) – Seahawks dynasty. But oh no, they threw a pass, from an obvious passing formation, and it was intercepted. You have got to be kidding me.
#1 – Green Bay Packers Matt LaFleur Wusses Out
He hasn’t won the Super Bowl quite yet, but the NFL did move it to his home stadium after TB12 signed with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The NFL MVP Aaron Rodgers failed to run into a wide open end zone on 3rd down, instead once again forcing it to his only reliable receiver, Davante Adams (good thing they drafted a 3rd string QB in the 1st round this year instead of a stud WR). They let a receiver get open with seconds left in the half for a Hail Satan touchdown. The same guy who let that happen also gave up an earlier touchdown, and made an obvious holding penalty when he could have gotten the Bucs off the field with seconds left in the game (good thing they didn’t draft a cornerback or safety in the 1st round). The worst thing of all, though, is just giving up, kicking a FIELD GOAL when you are down by 8 and the ball is inside the 10 with only 2 minutes left. Don’t let the MVP who threw 50 TD’s this year have another shot. No, Matt LaFleur, count on a defense that hadn’t really stopped much. Mr. Brady, your Super Bowl awaits, just walk this way.
Keith Sweat at Once Upon a Time in the LBC 2019